Things they don't teach you in paramedic school

1) You will receive thank-you letters. Sucks that most times it's in an obituary.


2) DO NOT put vicks vapo rub under your nose when going in to a "code black". It'll open up your nasal passages somethin' fierce. Be careful what you eat or drink after a smelly call because your memory will tie those smells together. To this day I still can't drink white grape juice.

3) Cutting through a down filled jacket in the back of an ambulance makes an awful mess. It will make for good conversation when you roll in to the hospital looking like Foghorn Leghorn.

4) Learn to be tactful, but enjoy when you don't need to be.


5) People's perception of an emergency will amaze you. Hungry? Call an ambulance. Stubbed your toe a week ago? Better send a fire truck and an ambulance. Had a fight with your husband and now he's ignoring you? Best call 911 and tell dispatch he's not responsive. "So let me get this straight, you beat up your wife, and while chasing her down the hall YOU tripped, fell, and knocked out your teeth. And YOU'RE calling 911 for yourself?" Again, see #4. 

6) You'll see some pretty nasty stuff, and it will affect your relationships. The sooner your spouse / partner / family learns that sometimes you just need a hug or to be left alone after a bad call the better. It's ok to cancel dinner plans after dealing with a suicide or not feel like gettin' it on after a child assault. Learn how to deal with that kind of stuff, because you will see it.


7) You have limited real estate on your duty belt. Choose the equipment you carry carefully. Make sure everything is packed away nicely - nothing worse then having your stethoscope catching on a stair rail while carrying a patient.


8) Turn off your cell phone ringer. That catchy Katy Perry ring tone will go off at the most inappropriate time. Trust me. "I Kissed a girl and I liked it...."


9) Wear nice underwear. You'll never live it down if you split your pants and your crew sees your "SASSY" gitch.


10) You will never be met at a Personal Care Home by a nurse who knows anything about the patient. For some reason they always send a nurse who is new to that floor / patient / shift. And the patient has been unresponsive for 5 hours...... Funny how that works.


11) Dispatch will always find you. Don't try to hide.


12) You will be met at the door naked, and it will be by the people you DON'T want to see in their birthday suits. Practice your poker face. Or have your camera ready for your partner's face when they get that first glimpse of 80 year old nakedness. (kidding, don't take pictures...)


13) don't take pictures.


14) You're going to deal with assholes. It's ok to point out that although you're the jerk taking their blood pressure, they are the ones that have soiled themselves because they're drunk. Again, this plays in part to #4.

15) You're going to be shit on. Literally. Bring spare uniforms and don't be afraid to wrap the patient in a few sheets. You'll be thankful for the barrier while confined in the back of the truck.

Have fun. It's a great job.

*Did I miss anything?*