So here's the deal. I was almost at the end of my fire testing last week; in fact I was so close I could taste it. In the summer I had written the fire test (and was one of 8 out of 80 to pass). In the fall I did the practical.
Then last week I had the fitness test - the very last test. I've been working with a personal trainer for almost 2 years to prepare for the test from hell - you know the one. Walk up a steep incline at a brisk walk for 8 mins in full gear with a mask and tank. Climb the ladder till your legs want to fall off. Drag around a dummy that weighs as much as you do. (I'm not bitching about the test because I know it's a requirement to do the job but rather giving you an idea it's not a walk in the park). I was prepared.
Then I got bronchitis 2 weeks before the test - 2 rounds of steroids, an inhaler and 2 rounds of antibiotics in a mad attempt to be healthy. Come test time I was given incorrect information on the options to back out of the test for medical reasons. I showed up to the test sick, and used up my one and only shot.
I am now disqualified from the process. "You're welcome to apply to the external testing" which means I'm back at square one for the fire AND medical testing (because I'm not crossing over as a medic within the department they have to also test me as a new paramedic). Written and practical testing x 2.
Insert tears here.
I've written letters and talked to all the right people, and they won't budge an inch even though I've provided them with all kinds of medical documentation. And to boot, my bronchitis is now pneumonia.
I was really hoping to write a post about how I've been keeping this secret and that we're all celebrating the end of a very long journey and how my dream has finally come true. Instead I write this.
So I'm back to the beginning and applying with every Joe Schmoe that's waited 6 years for the city to open positions to the public (because up to now you had to be a medic first, then cross over within the department to suppression. Which is what I was trying to do).
Back to studying for more tests and hoping and praying I can get my shit together one. more. time.
I feel defeated.
I feel like a phony for saying I'm any kind of firefighter when 2 1/2 years later I'm not.
I feel like I shouldn't be calling myself Hydrantgirl.
And I feel sorry for firefighter for having to put up with me.
14 comments:
Oh honey, I hate to read this. Obviously, you are feeling defeated, but remember you kicked those tests asses the first time, and you can kick their ass the second round. You know what you might even learn more by retaking all of that. Zach learns new stuff all the time during continuing education hours, and things may have changed since you started this journey two years ago. As upset as you are now, I hope in a few weeks you can see the positives (as bleak as they may be to you right now) of it all. Sending warm & fuzzies to you, my ass kicking firefightergirl friend.
I'm so sorry. I know the heart break and it sucks.
I know you probably don't want to here this but everything happens for a reason. Don't give up! You have more people here to support you and cheer you on than you think.
I'm so sorry to hear that! That sucks.
please dont give up
:( Whatever happens, you will always be Hydrantgirl :)
oh sorry to hear of this bad turn of events but there's a reason for this somewhere in the fog. I pray that you get well soon. Sometimes we just don't know how sick we are til we do more than we should. Hang in there and believe you can do it. What you are doing now is a good thing! Your dear hubby loves you in spite of it all! Hugs!
I am deeply sorry to hear of this series of events, any further comment from me, though sincere,will seem trite.
However, let me leave you with this. Where do you want to be in five years? If the goal remains the same, you know what needs to be done.
Best of luck.
Oh my! I'm SO sorry that you are having to go through this rough patch in your long process! From reading your post, I know how hard you have fought, PLEASE don't give up and keep fighting for what you know and love! You are and always will be Hydrantgirl! We are all cheering you on! I hope that you are feeling better soon!
I know exactly how disappointed you feel, and I just want to tell you to not give up.
It took me 6 years to finally be offered a job. I worked for my agency part time for 2 years, was PASSED OVER, and told to keep trying...It is so disappointing when something like this happens, it really makes things hard.
Don't give up. You are a great candidate and you know what you need to do. I know you don't wanna have to go through everything again, but it will be worth it.
You are not alone, I am sure many other people like myself have experienced the same kind of disappointment you are dealing with, and I am sure they would all say the same thing, don't give up.
Oh, booo! I know they have to be strict on rules, for a variety of reasons, but I don't understand why they can't keep your scores on the tests you've already taken, and just have you re-take the physical agility portion with the external candidates.
But I also know that's just the way it is, because we've experienced similar things with FireMan.
Boooo! I hate that "you're welcome to apply yadda-yadda" letter.
Best of luck on your next steps. Please keep us posted!
I've been in your shoes. I tried out for the fire department here. It is no easy task. In fact, it's downright incredible to pass the physical test. In all the years, we have had only one female pass the test and become a firefighter. She is an animal. She's still the only one and has been able to stay on the department for the last 5 or 6 years. She trains constantly.
Don't give up. Become an animal.
It's your dream. You can do it.
And YES...you are HYDRANTGIRL...and you kick ass!
Do not... DO NOT get discouraged. You are a fabulous medic, a fabulous firefighter (yes, you bet your ass you're a firefighter) and you know what... if you can do the damn testing process once you can do it 100 times and pass it with flying colors. Channel that sadness and anger into kicking ass and taking names if you must jump through those same hoops all over again.
Chin up girl. You're the toughest woman I know - at least through the internet :)
Oh that sucks!! Effing bronchitis/pneumonia. :*( I hope you feel better soon, and some fabulous opportunity opens up that you wouldn't have been looking for if you had passed this time around. (((HUGS!)))
Fargo sent me here. I'm sorry to read this. Someday, maybe, if I'm drunk, I'll tell you my story. Trust me, when the flames are roaring, and you are the one on scene, this isn't going to matter to the victims. Hang in there kid..
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